No, I’m wondering why, in 2010, none of the following features are available on my online banking service:

• Drill down the data. Find out all my monthly outgoings by a particular vendor (e.g. Sainsbury’s) – how much do I spend at the super market)
• Allow me to assign codes and categories to types of purchase (food, clothes, travel) and query the data that way
• Get a forecast for my next month’s spend
• Display graphs on where my money is going. What % of my income is being spent at the Alma Tavern??
• Send me custom reports about my spending habits — and tips on how to make adjustments
• An export feature to tie in with my own off-line accounting
• an iPhone app to check statements on the move
• Probably loads of other stuff – ranging from the frivolous to the crucially useful

That’s with First Direct but I’ve also used NatWest and LloydsTSB in the not-too-distant and I’m pretty sure they don’t have anything like those features either.

Anyone bank with someone who does offer this and/or know of a third party extension that offers them?

So I was sat nonchalantly using my Mac, installing all the necessary software for my flight, feeling I have to say blissed out at the whole jammy scenario. Picked up my stuff at exactly 20 minutes to go until flight closure (I knew it would be a bit of a walk to Gate 42 so was planning ahead).

Got there, saw it said Air Afghanistan or something and enquired as to what the 42 on my ticket meant. ‘Ah! My seat number? Any idea where I should be? Gate 1 you say? That’ll be, what, right at the other end of the airport then I suppose?’.

I ran like the wind.